- I don't talk to anyone. I have people I can still call friends, but none of whom I can call up and talk to. Not that they wouldn't listen, but it is more of an issue on my end. I haven't been able to approach people - even those I call frriends, for the last 4 years I have been alive. So I have been blogging without thinking about anyone in particular. Essentially I have been blogging to thin air.
- My dad has been reading this blog, and his comment put a nail in the blog and really hurt my pride. If anyone knows me, I am one of those people who wishes that he never had a father. I don't exactly wish him dead, but his existence is a blemish in my life. That's as far as I'll talk about this for now. I'm sure I will find a reason to rant about him within the next couple of weeks of this remaining work term of me living at home. After all, he aggregates me without fail. Objectively, the advice he gave might not have seemed bad, but the fact that he tries to give me advice is enough for me to slap him.
- I wrote a lot of blog posts related to 'Christian' thinking and centered upon my attempt to convert my mindset to a more Christian one, but recent events have me choosing putting my faith on the backlog.
- I was no longer confident to portray my life to the world. Two months ago, I realized my lack of confidence and caved in to a near depression state. I have been hating myself excessively and blaming myself not being the person I thought I was supposed to be.
- I found more fun things to do, namely video games, anime and music. Blogging requires that I think about myself. When I don't want to realize reality, I stop blogging. I said similar things in the past.
Why I am starting to blog again:
- I feel the need to realize the reality in my life.
- I need to love myself more. I am being too hard on myself for being unable to do what I cannot do.
- I need to express myself, even if it is to no one in particular. I need to throw my thoughts out in the open. It is a confidence booster to be able to talk openly about myself. This is what a publicly hosted blog does. As long as my parents don't read this blog, this blog stays put. (Note to self: This is an issue I will need to come to terms with someday)
- This blog is like stamping my existence in the world
- I think there may be someone who might want to know about my life, or death, someday.
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